dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
