She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
