His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
