So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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