got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
