i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
