She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
