Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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