Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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