We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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