end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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