Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
