talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
