Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
