Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
