So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
