literally had 100 drinks last night.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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