Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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