it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
