I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
