you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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