I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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