mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
