I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
