Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
