her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
