I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
