the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My feet surprised me
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