Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
