I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
