Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
accomplished twins. life is a go
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
