My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
