Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
