If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
