Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
