so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
