I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
