i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
