we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
