please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
