How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
