no one should ever give us hovercrafts
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this will be a night to untag.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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