Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
