I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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