a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
