He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
