how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
