seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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