There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
4 words: hood of his car
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
