Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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